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Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Todrick Hall: Since U Been Conned

Megadouche Todrick Hall has drawn plenty of buzz this season. And a primary portion of that substantial intrigue is due to his surreptitious past involving a financial flop of a traveling musical, aptly and boringly titled Oz: The Musical. You can read the early exposé in great detail by clicking the above link, @ VoteForTheWorst.

Now, further statements have surfaced through a source I've been in contact with, who wishes to remain anonymous. All I can say is that he is a former cast member, involved in Todrick's musical debacle (though NOT in the scamming itself). And Todtards, he's not a kid/parent out for revenge either.

Being that I only began blogging this year, it didn't feel suitable to just post it here, where it wouldn't get much notice and would be dubious to some. So instead, I've decided to forward the statement to my Idol blogging deity, TopIdol, who will initiate the appropriate level of attention.

Whatever it takes to crush his dreams the way he crushed dozens of kids' works for me. I feel so judicial! Be sure to click here (no link currently) to examine her post for yourself, chock full of zingers.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Idol Hands (Are Douchekey's Workshop)

Oh yes, it's back. Same old Idol, brand new faces.

But will I be rewarded or tortured?

(Truth be told, likely both. The ratio, however?: That's the determinate here.)

Last season was enormously successful for me, despite much fuckery early on. The end was nothing short of miraculous, and the saving grace of one of the most blatantly and overly manipulated TPTB acts I've ever witness on any reality show. We won't even delve into the ASSinine soap operatic Lifetime Sunday evening TV-movie-inspired Top 13, with M. Night Shyamalan bullshit twists galore. We'll ignore the batshit insane sparkle cow contigency and their season-long yeasting within their Monistat-7th Heaven of horrors.

Initially campaigning against the human sloth, Danny Gokey, and his heavily pimped cohorts, I encouraged other infuriated watchers to "vote for eye candy", so I could have something pleasant to look at during the Idol Tour rounds amongst all the fuggos (excluding Megan Joy, who is a babe...but I don't do vajayjay, no matter how much they may CAW at me).

That eye candy just happened to be Kris Allen (astutely nicknamed HBD--Hot By Default--by my favorite American Idol recapper, TopIdol).

Around that time, his "Over the Rainbow" cover surfaced and I was actually digging his vocals. I thought he did a superior job to Jason Castro's somewhat overrated, though still commendable, season 7 take. So I sensed he had talent brewing underneath, and I thought in an alternate universe and less janked season, he could manage a surprise win. But really, I just wanted to see if I could encourage people to inject some cute into the kennel club of a Top 13.

All the while though, I maintained a pro-VFTW mindset, especially after news broke that Douchekey was a member of some scientology-like church cult, full of shady money-grubbing ways and fundie intolerance. It was later an enormous, and pleasant, relief when it became apparent that Kris was the anti-Gokey, a true Christian guy, full of acceptance and pro-gay sentiments.

I loved the loony goddess, Tatiana Del Toro, who provided much entertainment during the dreariest moments of the season. I was tickled by Normund Gentle, the rare caricature who is actually FUNNY. Unfortunately for the wonderfully satirical, this season made conscious efforts to assrape them with a rusty rake at every turn.

But then, the miraculous happened--my inklings about Kris proved to actually hold water. There was definitely an investment, supporting someone I didn't expect to even get on tour, and watching him not only advance week-to-week, but actually DOMINATE the competition, musically speaking. His soothing, but subtle, voice combined with his refreshing, contemporary arrangements of songs, in addition to his humble, and quietly funny, personality, actually managed to do what AI always intends, but consistently fails to do: leave me feeling exulted for a contestant's journey.

Hell...I actually voted from the first week to the last--on four motherfucking telephonic devices. Yup, I was definitely a tard this time around. It's no shock that I'd consider him my favorite Idol. (Granted, I've only been watching since season 5. I'm sure I'd love Kelly Clarkson as well.) Speaking of which, it's no surprise that these two are perhaps the most entertaining and fun to follow on Twitter--or rather, vicariously follow through others who report their shenanigans.

And 'twas all motivated by my desire to see TPTB get a big ol' bitchslap of truth: that their bullshit antics are in vain, and it leaves (the sane) voters feeling aggravated. It's one of the factors behind the establishment of VFTW, for fuck's sake.

This isn't to say I wasn't entertained by any others in the finals though. Group 2 + Anoop Desai all had their charms. Matt Giraud grew on me like the mole (affectionately named Quatto by TopIdol) on his forehead with some top-notch performances. And the aforementioned hottie, Megan, is perhaps THE most awesome contestant ever on the show. Hilarious, down-to-Earth, kooky, and she CAWS! And lest I forget, her antics led to the best, funniest, and completely unboring results show in the history of the show...despite the fact that she flapped her wings for good that night....

And then, Allison Iraheta (lovingly referred to as La Princessa Del Mariachi by, natch, TopIdol), another underdog, had a marvelously dorky persona and no filter. She turned in numerous great performances throughout, and deserved a Final 3 slot over that insipid tool. And though I can't stand him one bit these days as he famewhores his way into irrelevance, Adam Lambert turned in some memorable performances as well. I was rooting for the Kradam finale long before it became feasibly plausible.

Still, the post-show inanity (amusingly endearing Kradam antics aside) was the final straw in my attempts to be pro-AI anymore. It's a suckfest, with marginally acceptable moments blended in.

There are certainly a bevy of eccentric, fascinating contenders this season, but I merely want to see them go as far into the Top 12 as possible just 'cause they're more worthy. They're much more fun to root for and champion for a potentially realistic win--while I encourage complete support for VFTW antics this season and onward. Together, aligned, this season could be the single, most bizarre yet!

This season seems to have been tailor-made for them, with plenty of awful contestants with varying degrees of suck. I'm wholly digging their current picks, who are insanely entertaining in their own ridiculous ways, and will restore the joys of watching and mocking Idol, as they were in the glory days (aka not season 8).

And with that said, it's time to recap and critique the girls' night performances...which would've been awesome had it included the VFTW legend that never was:

Oh Shannon Ann Marie Turner, how I wish we knew thee.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Wish Upon an Oscar

Although I have yet to engulf myself in full-fledged Oscar blogging, make no mistake that it will be (one of) the primary perspectives of this site. This season, however, is leaving me with a rather murky, putrid taste in my metaphoric mouth, due to numerous dirty tactics and, frankly, janked directions.

I probably would have contributed a little more, but I am ever so (retardedly) fearful of jinxing my ONE Oscar hope for this season: Kathryn Bigelow making history by becoming the first female to win the Best Director Oscar. EVER. Sigh....Screw me over in any other category, but please let that one take place.

I won't be greedy (although her film deserves the main prize as well, but I digress).

Nevertheless, it's always fun to predict. Except, well, I won't. Instead, I'd prefer to share with you how a ballot would look if I were an Academy member. This eschews most "typical 'Oscar films'", in favor of a range of productions, from the obscure indies (The Vicious Kind) to the exceptional mainstream/"popcorn flicks" (Star Trek). I hope you enjoy it, and feel free to critique my list and share your own as well!

(500) Days of Summer
The Class
District 9
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Hurt Locker
A Serious Man
Star Trek
Up in the Air
The Vicious Kind

Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Neill Blomkamp, District 9
Laurent Cantet, The Class
Ethan Coen & Joel Coen, A Serious Man
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds

Sharlto Copley, District 9
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker
Adam Scott, The Vicious Kind
Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man

Mélanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Maya Rudolph, Away We Go
Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia
Tilda Swinton, Julia

Rupert Friend, Chéri
Brian Geraghty, The Hurt Locker
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Anthony Mackie, The Hurt Locker
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds

Vera Farmiga, Up in the Air
Mo'Nique, Precious
Samantha Morton, The Messenger
Paula Patton, Precious
Rosamund Pike, An Education

The Class (François Bégaudeau, Robin Campillo, & Laurent Cantet)
District 9 (Neill Blompkamp & Terri Tatchell)
An Education (Nick Hornby)
Fantastic Mr. Fox (Wes Anderson & Noah Baumbach)
Up in the Air (Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner)

(500) Days of Summer (Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber)
The Hurt Locker (Mark Boal)
The Messenger (Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman)
A Serious Man (Ethan Coen & Joel Coen)
The Vicious Kind (Lee Toland Krieger)

So, there you have it. Best Actor was the toughest category; forcing myself to omit Sam Rockwell (Moon), Ben Foster (The Messenger), and even Joseph Gordon-Levitt ((500) Days of Summer) was incredibly tough, but that's why in my own personal awards, I have ten nominees in EVERY category.

Yeah....I'm that dorky.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Eternal Sunshine of the Blogness Mind

Welcome to The ePEZ Dispenser, my new plan to hijack the web. I loved my older blog, The Awards Greenhouse, but it lost momentum AND I felt that the scope of the site was much too narrow. Certain topics would seem quite out of place there, whereas this locale encompasses all aspects of pop culture. Jolly good fun!

What you can expect from this blog is a cacophony of various realms of entertainment that pique my interest, ranging from the oft-twatwafflish Oscar season (I'm somewhat of a prognosticating whore) to the deplorably intriguing karaoke backwash of American Idol (I tend to dig the quirky underdogs, while maintaining "worster" tendencies in my analysis); from the dirge of sifting through various degrees of suck in seeking pleasurable entertainment (films and TV--I can be ruthlessly dismissive) to my constant quest for intriguing but all the while enjoyable audible bliss (British indie music snob, hollaaaaa).

And through it all, I'll generally be as snarky as possible without veering into absurdity. (Irreverence, on the other hand, is a main motivator.) Hopefully, you'll find a fresh perspective and unique takes here, that'll delight you into stopping by frequently. I love comments and feedback, especially if it inspires banter, so by all means, speak up! Even if we spar, it'll usually be in a satirical way. Laughter and jubilance are my Energizer battery. You needn't be intimidated--even if I can be a bit of a cuntflap now and then....

Oh, and the post titles? They will always parody a film, show, song, or perhaps popular idiom of some sort. Hell, wager a guess with each one in the comments section. Just something extra to add a little flavorful glaze to each entry....Oy vey. I hope I don't run the gamut of recognizable options.

Well, with all that said....Let's see if I keep up with this shizzle!